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Dear IKEA: Did you realize you are now selling to dumb Americans?

This is a rant.

I have a violent love hate relationship with IKEA. I love big box retail convenience as much as the next guy (and screw you if you think I’ve sold my soul) but absolutely HATE Ikea’s ridiculous arrogance.

What the hell is with IKEA’s stubborn insistence on naming all their products in Swedish????

Are you frigging kidding me? You’re selling me a piece of shit 5 dollar ottoman that’s gonna disintegrate in six months and cause me a goddamn back injury while I’ve got my feet up on it.

The least you can do is name the stupid thing in English so I don’t have to squint at the letters and look like a jackass trying to pronounce it.

Plus, let’s face it. It’s not as if you are some classy company that gets to charge more money by naming crap in “European” so us stupid US dwellers get easily conned. Your demographic is kids fresh out of college and young families who’d rather be shopping at Z Gallerie instead of your dumpy-ass store. Get with the program.

And here’s the last problem: your language isn’t as pretty as you think. French this ain’t. There, I’m glad I said it.

Exhibit A: Walking through your interminable maze of Swedish crap, I came across and picked up a grill pan. Of course, even such a mundane object had to be classied up with a Swedish moniker. Only problem is, here is how this word is spelled:

SKANKA

I’m 26 and should know better, but I couldn’t stop giggling.

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