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My Experiments With Baldness

August 19, 2007 3 comments

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Many years ago, a great, wise, bald man known for his undying honesty wrote an autobiography called “My Experiments With Truth”. He inspired a whole generation of world citizens, including MLK Jr. – who applied his principles to the civil rights movement – and myself. But since I’m not particularly truthful and nowhere near the term wise, I decided to just go bald.

Okay, just kidding.

I was hanging out at that chic Palo Alto haircut joint – SuperCuts, have you heard of it? – when the shave-your-head thought occurred to me. I had gone in there to get my regular el-cheapo trim and suddenly changed my mind. But the soul quivered at such blasphemy. My beautiful hair! Could I really let it go just for kicks? I waffled while my barber – a Vietnamese man with a receding hairline made careful, minor clips, unaware of the storm brewing within my skull.

I asked the Vietnamese gentleman – “Should I take the whole thing off?”. He looked at me like I’d just denounced dog meat. It was really my decision, he said, indicating that his tip usually didn’t cover Jonathan-Anton-style-fashion-consulting. That’s what I get for heading into a squalid SuperCuts. Barbers who can’t even make recommendations.

A minute later, I pulled the trigger and told him to go for it. I felt like…Herm Edwards handing the ball to Priest Holmes and benching LJ in a third and down situation. Okay, sorry about that one.

When the guy ran his beast of a clipper through the middle of my head and took all the hair with it, it really hit me. My head now looked like a crop circle victim with one clean stripe of skin running through hair on both sides. Ouch.

When I walked out of there, I was forever a changed man. A man with now mane. Whatever. It was a done deal. I was a bald man.

Here are some things you should know about being bald:

  • It is sort of hard to shampoo a shaved head.
  • Every mirror walk-by is a scary surprise.
  • The air seems to whiz by your ears a whole lot more with no hair for protection.
  • I’ve heard that women have a very binary response to male baldness; they either love it or hate it, no in-betweens. I’ll have to wait and watch for that one, don’t know yet.

I’ll report more as a find out. Subscribe here to stay updated!

Categories: baldness, hair, life