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Archive for August, 2007

Thank God for WordPress Search Logs

August 29, 2007 Leave a comment

More fun with WordPress search logs.

searchlogone.jpg

Categories: Uncategorized

On the Indo-U.S Nuke Deal

August 27, 2007 Leave a comment

 See the TIME article describing this mess here.

Oh God, the goddamn communists are it again. You see, over in India, communists aren’t hunted down Joe-McCarthy-style like they are around here. “Commie” isn’t necessarily a dirty word depending upon who you ask.

Hell, parts of the country have been run by commies (The Communist Party of India and their ilk) for as long as I’ve been alive. These commies are probably convenience communists – much like the Chinese who welcome BMW and LMVH into their land while crushing human rights with merry abandon.

Commies, true to form, hate the U.S. They’d like to live in an India when we sucked up to the Soviet Union (good call there, yeah?) and bought a boatload of crusty old MIGs to “deter” Pakistan. These jackasses haven’t yet grasped that their ideology lost, and lost big.

Now they want to kill the nuke deal that would allow energy-starved India to pursue a nuclear energy strategy. That’s just f*ing great, yeah? Now my folks will have to continue to  live with four hours – daily – of “load shedding”. By the way, load shedding is a euphemism for power cuts. There are places in India where the government takes a load off for six hours a day! Can you frigging believe it?

Way to go, commies. Way to be a royal pain in the rear twenty years after the Soviet Union’s death.

Categories: india, politics

The Mystery Behind Bush’s Baked Beans

August 26, 2007 4 comments

Do you get the sense that Bush’s Baked Beans has an advertising budget larger than Anheuser-Busch? I have TiVo and I still can’t escape the commercials featuring that fat bald man and his talking dog.

The gist of the commercials is as follows: the dog wants to steal the “secret family recipe” so he can sell it on the market much like an art thief pawning off a Rembrandt. Of course, this is pure unadulterated horseshit. First off, baked beans are beans mixed with sugar; there isn’t really a “secret” to it, assholes. Secondly, even if there were such a recipe, what jackass out there is looking to start a baked beans business on the back of pilfered recipes?

Which brings me to my final point. Have you ever – I mean ever – seen anyone come up to you and say, “I think I’ll go out and buy a fucking gallon of baked beans”? I sure as hell haven’t. I lived in the Midwest for four years and have been in Cali for the past four and I’ve never heard anyone list baked beans as their favorite food. Except for my Pops.

You see, the Brits (and by extension, the Indos) love baked beans. We eat them by spreading them on pieces of toast and sprinkling cheese on top. We love ’em.

But that market sure as hell isn’t big enough to justify all the retard commercials. Does anyone know the answer? Please share if you do 🙂

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Categories: baked-beans, baldness, life

Kosmix Blog Widget Goes Live

August 24, 2007 Leave a comment

If you’d like to hear about it or get it, please visit:

http://www.kosmix.com/html/widget.html 

Categories: Uncategorized

On the Secret Society of Bald Men

August 24, 2007 7 comments

I consider myself to be an extremely perceptive fella. Of course I do; I love myself.

That’s why the past few days have convinced me beyond reasonable doubt that there exists a secret society. Of bald men.

Ever since I shaved my head clean in a fit of fancy, I’ve noticed the difference. Every bald dude (natural or un-) nods knowingly at me when they run into me on the street. Or at the gym. Or at Whole Foods. It’s creepy, folks. Trust me.

I wonder what such a society’s purpose could be. Could they discuss clipper reviews? Is it possible that Larry David is a founding member? Could it be that they poke voodoo pins into a giant Johnny Depp doll?

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Categories: baldness, life

Bald Compliment of The Day

August 21, 2007 Leave a comment

From an acquaintance upon being greeted (for the first time) with my rather round bald head:

You look like a Mexican who just got out of Pelican Bay.

Sigh.

Categories: baldness, life

Bouquets, Brickbats and Baldness

August 21, 2007 Leave a comment

So the baldness thing went over far better than what years of watching George Costanza had led me to believe. Nobody – so far – has turned and run in the opposite direction, shrieking for mercy as they do so. No woman has told me that I took a huge turn for the worse since last week – maybe they’re just being nice, but what the hey 🙂

I’ve also heard other non-derogatory things like:

  • You look like you lost weight.
  • You look better than you did last week.
  • You have a really, really round head. [ed: uh, okay]

Could baldness be the new cure to all the problems faced by the superficial man? Could it??! Could Larry David have been wrong all along?! No, say it ain’t so!

Categories: baldness, george, life, seinfeld