On the Secret Society of Bald Men

I consider myself to be an extremely perceptive fella. Of course I do; I love myself.

That’s why the past few days have convinced me beyond reasonable doubt that there exists a secret society. Of bald men.

Ever since I shaved my head clean in a fit of fancy, I’ve noticed the difference. Every bald dude (natural or un-) nods knowingly at me when they run into me on the street. Or at the gym. Or at Whole Foods. It’s creepy, folks. Trust me.

I wonder what such a society’s purpose could be. Could they discuss clipper reviews? Is it possible that Larry David is a founding member? Could it be that they poke voodoo pins into a giant Johnny Depp doll?

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